New Life Revolution

Modern Phonics

     Language as we know it is constantly changing. English in particular seems to be in rapid circulation. Like a fad, some words and phrases surface every now and then that are popular for a while, but are eventually forgotten. The following is the basis for a new way of speaking in our ever changing society. It will last forever. I mean it.

-Prefixes: They appear at the beginning of a word.

• "s" will thus henceforth be replaced by "th" or "ths."

               ex. 1) "Good-bye!" "See ya!"

                         "Good-bye!" "Thee ya!"

               ex. 2) "Hey, watch it!" "Sorry!"

                         "Hey, watch it!" "Thsorry!"

-Midfixes: They appear in the middle of a word.

• "eh", as the sound rather than what is commonly found in words, will thus henceforth be replaced by "ae" or "ay." An "e" is often required at the end of the word for continuity with the pre-existing grammar. The Midfix "ae" or "ay" is arguably the most difficult to master. A pronunciation model will be provided to lower the learning curve.

               ex. 1) That video game is the best.

                        That video game is the baeste. [bey-st]: the "e"s in baeste are essentially silent.

               ex. 2) Let's throw a beer fest!

                        Let's throwe a beer fayste! [fey-st]: the "y" in fayste helps give it the hard "a" sound

                        (or the Canadian "eh") sound. The "e" is silent, as well.

-Suffixes: They appear at the end of a word.

• “ck” will thus henceforth be replaced by “g” or “gg."

               ex. 1) Look at his massive dick.

                        Look at his massive digg.

               ex. 2) I hate all blacks.

                        I hate all blags.

• "ch" will thus henceforth be replaced by "j" or "ge."

               ex. 1) What? Man, screw church.

                        What? Man, screw churge.

               ex. 2) She's just a stupid bitch.

                        She's just a stupid bij.

• "t" will thus henceforth be replaced by "d."

               ex. 1) I hate working on this website and shit.

                        I hate working on this website and shid.

               ex. 2) This job sucks.I quit.

                        This job sucks. I quid.

-Ambifixes: They can appear anywhere within a word.

• "p" or "pp" will thus henceforth be replaced by "b" or "bb."

               ex. 1) We're out of booze. Let's go shopping.

                        We're out of booze. Let's go shobbing.

               ex. 2) Who the hell buys stuff from the GAP?

                        Who the hell buys stuff from the GAB?

• "s" or the soft "c" will thus henceforth be replaced by "z."

               ex. 1) The Tricalibur 7, in its frequent taxi service, often runs out of gas.

                        The Tricalibur 7, in its frequent taxi service, often runs out of gaz.

               ex. 2) Look at that prick with his overly modded car (which is still a piece of

                        crap). He wants to race.

                        Look at that prick with his overly modded car (which is still a piece of

                        crap). He wants to raze.

Concept by: New Life Revolution / Written by: Justin

Published: 11/15/07

Musical Selection: Vivaldi - Four Seasons - Spring I