New Life Revolution
Breathe Life Anew
Power Profiles
Meet the idiots who founded New Life Revolution
Also meet other people who we occasionally talk about.
» Justin «
Sex: 100% Pure Man
Body Type: Greek God
Site Role: Write most of this crap, come up with new ideas, create some of the art (like the site background), take credit for everything.
About: Justin is nothing short of awesome. His beard is legendary on a universal scale. He cries himself to sleep at night.
Interests: Video games, sleeping, sexual release, writing, music (playing, writing, and listening to), hanging out, making this site.
Fun Facts:
- Justin is a master at drawing male anatomy.
- Justin owns more Nintendo products than you.
- Justin hates Rob and Scott.
- Justin has yet to find a woman worthy of his sacred body.
Weakness: Though nothing has been proven to shake him, it has been rumored that a sharp razor near his beard puts him into a cold sweat.
» Rob «
Sex: Typical Male
Body Type: Skinny with some nice muscle definition
Site Role: Personal relations stuff, getting people to visit the site and stay, throw out stupid ideas that get turned down (instantly).
About: Rob is an idiot. One time he did salvia and didn't get high enough, even though he says he did. Rob likes to have a lot of sex with people. It was Rob's idea to start this website. Rob is an angry Scotsman.
Interests: Pink Floyd, zombies, scotch, pissing Scott off for fun, messing up the Red Room Tavern on purpose.
Fun Facts:
- Rob listens to Pink Floyd constantly. In fact, Pink Floyd is the only band known to Rob.
- Rob is up to 20 conquests.
- Rob can krump, if you even know what that is.
- Rob met Johnnie Walker.
- Rob hates being called Bobby.
Weakness: Music that sounds like the beginning to The Partridge Family or The Banana Splits Adventure Hour.
» Scott «
Sex: Yes Please!
Body Type: Getting where he wants it to be...
Site Role: Come up with ideas, think of ways to sell out, write some material, have the final say in everything. Pretty much a slave master to Justin and Rob.
About: "The world revolves around Scott." "He matters more than anyone else." "His opinions are fact." "People bow down before Scott." These qutoes were featured in Rolling Stone, Time Magazine, and The New York Times, respectively. Scott is actually too modest to say all of that himself.
Interests: Women, music, alcohol, money, women, succeeding and revenging... sex.
Fun Facts:
- Scott lost his driving liscense for seven months and almost completely adhered to it!
- Scott is up to 20+ conquests.
- Scott pierced his nipple.
- Scott is the most notorious/hated person in his town.
Weakness: Himself and pirate rum.
» Shadow «
Sex: Female
Body Type: Small, soft, and furry. Of the Saber-toothed variety.
About: Shadow is the protector of the Red Room Tavern and part of the NLR. Using her Fury Swipe and Bite attacks, Shadow destroys anything and everything unwanted, from ants to Indians (more commonly known as Ba-Donks). Shadow has a higher understanding of fighting throught the mysterious art of feline bitchery. Thus, this makes her the dominant force in the house, although there is one that gives her trouble...
Interests: Kickin' Haley's ass, eating crunchies alone, shedding, rubbing up on Justin and trying to get him to plant his seed, getting high.
Fun Facts:
- Shadow destroys Haley when given the opportunity and always gets a swipe in on General Cornwallace in his slow passings.
- Shadow fights so hard with others that she actually has a chipped tooth/battle scar.
- Shadow is always proud of her dumps and never wipes.
Weakness: Brooms, vacuums, and the one...
» Tricalibur 7 «
Sex: Female
Body Type: Honda Civic
About: Justin is the Tricalibur 7's pilot. He rides her hard and drives her crazy. She gives rides to Rob and Scott way too often. What's up with that? The Cadillac quote, "When you turn on your car, does it return the favor?" was first uttered by Justin in early 2006.
Interests: Moderate drinking (Petrol Margaritas - shaken and stirred), getting tune-ups, having a dipstick plunged deep into her oily crankcase.
Fun Facts:
- Tricalubur 7's about middle aged. But even if she is just over 100,000 miles old, that doesn't mean she still can't "peel-out" on your face!
- Tricalibur 7 is a completely original name by Justin.
- Tricalibur 7 has hosted multiple orgies and has taken many a "V"-Card.
Weakness: Potholes, slick surfaces, dumb drivers, drunken pilots.